Coaching Your Clients to Exceptional Results the Easy Way

As an ICF certified master coach and coach mentor I’ve had the honor and opportunity to work with many coach professionals worldwide and I want to share with you here a couple of common themes that show up again and again:

  1. Coaches know the transformative power of great coaching. Usually it’s because they’ve experienced it first hand. It powers the passion. It’s why they aspired to become a coach in the first place!
  2. All the passion, great intentions, and love for their clients isn’t enough to prevent potentially great coaches from getting bogged down or derailed in the myriad twists & turns of a coaching conversation and knowing that can evoke coach insecurity in spades!

Erase insecurity and the coach is set free to gallop forward at a fast clip guiding their client to guaranteed results in every coaching conversation. That’s the magic that results with a roadmap, defining the territory, and guiding the journey to it’s inevitable and accurate destination or outcome. In each and every coaching adventure there is a dire need for a coaching agreement. When a coach truly understands this they can roll up their sleeves and begin to learn how to use the most powerful tool in their coaching toolbox — the coaching agreement. A great coach must know how to easily and successfully create a coaching agreement every session. There is absolutely nothing that melts away any fears of making a mistake that a coach may have for their coaching session than knowing how to create a coaching agreement and knowing how to do that well!

As a first step on the journey to creating masterful results in every coaching engagement, with every client, every time you meet together I invite you to check out  “The Coaching Agreement”. It’s an informative read, and an interactive practice guide for all coaches interested in accessing more clients and making more income on their journey to becoming a more masterful coach. Go here and get yourself a copy now.

Healing Relationships with Conscious Communication

When relationship conflicts arise we become troubled & preoccupied. It can be painful. The stress can creep into and permeate other aspects of our day to day existence. With a problem that doesn’t seem to have an immediate or obvious solution, we can begin to feel helpless and hopeless—like there’s no solution.

And yet, there probably is a solution. In fact, there may be a quite simple solution that’s fairly easy to implement. Two willing people have to participate. If that’s a challenge, and at least one of you is clear you want to make headway, be persuasive and persistent or involve a therapist as facilitator. I’m going to tell you how this process works so you can go ahead and turn things around with no further ado. This process optimally employs a therapist/facilitator guide, but do go ahead on your own if you are unable to employ a therapist to assist you.

Agree to the process and commit dedicated time in each of your schedules to seeing this process through. You must agree to the rules and agree to trust the process. You’ll need at least three 1-2 hr. blocks of uninterrupted time and privacy. Phones and other distractions should be switched off.

Begin each session by quietly and consciously acknowledging to yourself that the habits and patterns of your thinking and behavior have been established as a response to your unique circumstances. So, each of the communicators is recognized as inhabiting a unique little ‘bubble’ or ‘culture’, and doesn’t perceive or experience things exactly as you do. This is a good time to think of ‘the telephone game’.

A point of conflict, conversation, or issue is chosen as the ‘work’. The first person to have their turn (A), will use their session to articulate their point of view, the conversation or the issue as they see it, describing the situation as fully as possible, aiming to capture and express their own thoughts meaning, understanding and experience as fully as possible, starting from the beginning, moving to the middle and finishing at the end. The partner (B) listens intently, staying focused and undistracted, and attempting to temporarily inhabit the speaker’s bubble, with an intention to recapture the experience as if they had been A. Listener (B) is not allowed to interrupt speaker (A).

When A is finished, B’s job is to retell the story as if B is now A who has just told it. B is to recapture (act and tell) with as much of the same language and expression as possible, in an honest attempt to recreate in as much detail as possible. The point is to elicit a precise match with A till A feels B ‘got’ them, till A senses that as the speaker A was fully understood.

A can help B recapture A’s experience till it’s complete and A agrees with the retelling. Where there is discrepancy and mismatch, it is A’s job to clarify their meaning to B, till B tells it in a way that accurately captures what A was trying to describe. (“not exactly”, “that’s not quite what I said”, “I described how I was feeling like this…..” “I used these words…..” would be examples of clarifying).

There is no time frame which is ideal for this process. With 90 minutes set aside there is more flexibility when the time taken is much less, or lengthening it to 120 minutes if need be, or moving on to the next step. Longer than 2 hrs. at a stretch is not advised.

For the 2nd part of the process the roles are reversed, and B becomes the designated person to capture in words their point of view, and experience of the same situation. Now A listens, and is not allowed to interrupt B,

as B tells their story with a beginning, a middle and an end. B will help clarify for A when it has become A’s time to recapture B’s view and experience and parrot it back exactly for B.

The third block of time in this process can serve for both A & B to appreciate the effect of inhabiting separate ‘bubbles’, and to consider potential areas and avenues for compromise. It can also be a time for expressing gratitude and appreciations.

Potential benefits:  empathy, reconnection, building trust and intimacy, deeper ‘knowing’ of the other, lifting the sense of being burdened, empowerment, supporting intuitive knowing and inner wisdom,  grounding, and potential for greater lightness of being.

Relationships as Mirrors

In the beginning each of us was birthed into existence at the tribal level. So much so that our very survival was dependent on caretaking from others. Our story in adulthood is something quite different. In fact, sometimes our very survival can depend upon our ability to be independent and withstand separation from significant others.

Now we have awareness of an essential human dilemma. We must reconcile both facets of our existence. We exist in a duality. We are tribal and we are unique, independent and individual. And we are faced often, with a call to create a bridge between these ways of being. And again, and again, and again, the building of bridges is required of us, in all facets of life. Whether we are at work or at play, with our families and friends, or in our solitude, creating or tuning into spirit, we simply must choose how to apportion our precious time and reconcile the many-faceted needs that these two dimensions of our being demand to have fulfilled.

We each manage this contradiction between the needs of belonging and the needs of being separate with varying degrees of challenge and success. When the challenge is experienced as high, our existence can be troubled and pained. There is also great opportunity for awareness and self-reflection. One way to open up and expand our heart-felt need to join with others is to consider how relationships exist in our lives as mirrors. When we look at difficult relationships let’s inquire of ourselves what is the perception we are having of the other? How do we judge them? What are the qualities that we find difficult?

How might the negative quality we are perceiving be viewed in a positive light? How might we have disowned that part of ourselves? When we are open to looking at difficult relationships in this way we open ourselves to the possibility of incorporating more balance into our own being.

This holiday time of year can bring high relief to painful relationships past and present. Beginning to view how each difficult encounter can serve as an opportunity to become more informed of disowned parts of ourselves and reclaim our wholeness can lessen the negative impact and infuse us with a sense of the positive.

Stressing About Money?

One thing that is true about the current economic situation is that there will be people who will find opportunity in it. Some will actually create wealth while others will flounder. If you are inspired and in action, making the most of the opportunity that is presenting itself to you to create more wealth in your life, more power to you! You don’t need a therapist to help you manage your anxiety about the financial predicament you find yourself in. You’re already in action. If you do have anxiety about money there’s no time better than the present.

Even though it may seem circumstances are putting impassable obstacles in your path, there is a lot you can do to significantly improve, and even turn around your situation. While therapy doesn’t–as some people assume–deal only with your past, there is great merit in understanding the subconscious negative messages that you tell yourself on an ongoing basis. The reason it is so helpful to become aware of how you’ve been programmed to think about money is to learn how to turn around and hopefully prevent self-sabotaging behavior. Self-sabotaging behavior often arises out of negative self-talk which often ‘runs’ perpetually in the background and often serves to thwart our more positive conscious intention of moving forward toward the successful accomplishment of our goals.

Creating A Life That Works

A common theme in the minds of people trying to unhook themselves from the tentacles of substance abuse is the attainment of a trouble-free existence. Of course, no such world exists.

It’s neither naivete nor stupidity that has people dancing with illusion. It’s just that without the skillful means to navigate the inevitable obstacles that occur in our lives we have a tendency to reach the threshold of tolerance for frustration. What often happens next is to seek out substances which will numb us to the frustration that we are feeling.

It’s just not that easy to recognize that the solution is a simple one. Just like riding a bicycle takes practice to gain skill, navigating life’s obstacles comes by building up our navigation muscles. Two key phrases to remember on this journey to designing a life that really works are Who Am I? and What Do I Want? In other words the signposts to success can be found by scrutinizing our current self-image and by deeply considering the goals we would like to achieve.

Focus on behaving as if you already are the person you want to be. Get serious about setting aside time to focus on goal-setting. Write your goals out regularly. Prioritize them. Take some action towards your goals every day. Keep your eye on where you are going, not on where you have been. Persevere through the obstacles and find new and self-nurturing rewards for your successes.

How To Manage Your State When You’re Being Lied To

The intuitive knowing self is a tremendous source of personal empowerment for people who are able to easily access and trust that aspect of their being. Unfortunately the process of turning away from our intuition often begins in early childhood as we undergo the conditioning of the social self.


And while we readily acknowledge a measurability of the proficiency of our other five senses we turn somewhat in the opposite direction when it comes to the ‘sixth’ sense. Thus concessions are granted for those who may find themselves ‘challenged’ to one degree or another in the realm of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. However, we barely acknowledge intuition’s existence outside of the ‘intuitive superstar’ category. And in that realm there’s often a negative connotation. If our intuition is not conditioned out of us, we may have a tendency to keep it hidden or even to deny it.


When we’re being lied to we often ‘sense’ it. But rather than feeling empowered out of trust in our inner knowing we are more likely to feel vulnerable and defenseless. Being lied to can leave us in a state that might be described as ’emotionally ambushed’. Confused, disempowered, chaotic, and inadequate, are characteristic emotions that might ensue.


Some ways to regain our emotional equilibrium and regain contact with our own power source might be found in the following:


  • Becoming still and going inside for guidance one could pose the question, “What is the opportunity here for me to find?
  • If there are current feelings of ‘loss’ showing up try to take an unbiased observer perspective to discover whether or not there really is a loss. Perhaps there is another way to view how you are feeling.


  • Ask yourself how this person who is lying might be reflecting back to you some ways in which you might be personally in a ‘stuck’ place of rigidity or inflexibility.


  • How might retaining this ‘relationship’ as it currently is, be keeping you separate from your deeper intuitive connection to a universal intelligence or energy?


  • What can you do to affirm your connection to this source without giving power to the person who is lying? By handing over your power to another, you are also acting as a vehicle for your own disconnection?


  • You can ask yourself, “Was there something about the messages that the person lying was giving you farther back in time from this incident that you might have intuitively questioned? And had you paid attention at that time would have constituted honoring your deeper self.


  • Asking for help in managing your state can be beneficial. Most people will recognize the disempowered and disorienting state of mind that can result from the experience of being lied to. They can usually relate.


Try to remember that when you find the way to truly honor your deeper self in this situation you will more easily transition into a forgiving and detached state with roots in your empowered self. From this deeper place the actions of another have a tendency to not really impact you at all.


R.D. Laing, from Self and Others, 1961 tells us that “Truth is literally that which is without secrecy, what discloses itself without a veil.”

Freedom Through Imagery: Our Thoughts Create Our Future

Psychotherapy has favored language as the medium of communication. Words are the psychotherapist’s stock-in-trade. A route less travelled in the typical psychotherapy hour however is the world of inner imagery. Here lies the true power of the mind.

This power can be tapped through bringing focused attention on the mind’s mental imagery. Expanding important dreams into waking dream imagery is one way of tracking expressions of our subconscious. In this manner it becomes possible to gain deeper understanding of conflicted urges which tend to keep us ‘stuck’.

By creating vivid visual representations of our wants and desires we are more easily able to move forward, to create goals, and to take action toward those goals.  By employing guided visualizations in the therapy hour we can begin to open up the world of creative imagination, unblocking suppressed self-expression, and guiding us forward toward an expansive future.

Gratitude Makes A Difference

Keeping a gratitude journal can serve a truly useful purpose when the blues hit. By remembering to be grateful everyday and taking a few minutes to jot down 4 or 5 things every evening that you’ve appreciated during the day you will have a reserve store of ‘goodies’ to draw from in times when you’re feeling down. The mind thinks in pictures and in the moment of appreciation a snapshot of the grateful moment is captured until it’s written down. Over time memories fade but a surprising thing often happens when reviewing the posts from a gratitude journal. Upon reading the written summaries capturing the times when we’ve felt grateful it’s as if that moment happens for us all over again, and we’re back in the ‘scene’. A depressed mood can be instantly lifted at such moments. A snapshot in time from the original scene ‘re-presents’ itself. At such times it’s possible to feel once again infused with joy.